No, I’m definitely in love with Tucker Max.

Yes it is true.  Go ahead and say whatever you want but in my mind, the man is brilliant.  His writing style is funny, honest, and very well executed.  From start to finish I was laughing and could barely put the book down.  I also went to a book signing but what to comment on that in a separate post once I have the video I took online. 

In case you don’t know who Tucker Max is, basically he is a guy that sleeps with a lot of girls and enjoys being the life of the party even if that means being a giant asshole.  His honest account of what happen makes the stories really come to life.  He even is not afraid to poke fun at himself.

I feel like I could go on for hours about how much I loved this book but instead I’m going to highly recommend it to everyone that is not overly sensitive and has a sense of humor.   Here are comments on a couple of stories that I especially loved.

Tucker Goes to Campout, Owns Duke Nerds
This is the first story in the book and instantly I was sold. Basically there is a large school event that lots of people have to camp out at so he gets drunk and uses a megaphone to harass people. For some reason I find the idea of a drunk guy with a megaphone insanely funny.

The Tucker Max Experience
Somewhere along the lines, Max was asked to put together a date with him that people could bid on.  His bullet points on what the date would be was hysterical.  His proposed date would include…

-I will answer the door in a white T-shirt with at least one hot sauce stain on it, gym shorts, messy hair, unshaven, reeking of pit sweat, stale alcohol, and fresh sex.

-Depending on how many beers I’ve had, I may repeatedly point at my crotch and nod approvingly. This is what I call “a hint”.

-By the time we get to the fourth or fifth bar, I will be completely shit-housed, will have stains on top of stains on my shirt, there may or may not be serveral whores trailing us, vying for my attention, and at least one of my friends will have told you that you are too good for me and should love him because he is such a wonderful person. (FYI: He’s a hater and a liar.)

-When you get home, you will regret ever meeting me.  If we had sex, you will rush to the free clinic to get tested.  The results will come back negative, and you’ll think to yourself, “At least the fact that he passed out a minute into sex has some benefit”.

Um sign me up, lol.

I Want to Cum Get a Load!
This was actually a whole section in that book that in my mind, makes Max the most brilliant man alive.  Why?  Because he got girls to do his laundry for free for years and slept with most of them.  I’m sorry but that is awesome beyond words.

He posted on his facebook that he wanted to meet a girl that would do his laundry for him and he got offers nonstop.  He offered sex in return and the girls took him up on it.  Classic.  Like I can’t go over how awesome that is. Go ahead and call it sexist or whatever but these girls came over on their own free will so he is in no way responsible for their actions. 

Can I steal this idea?  Half kidding.  But if I was dating someone I would totally offer certain things in return for not doing chores.

Tucker Max: Baby Killer
Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Dead babies aren’t funny but jokes about them sure are.   This chapter was mostly about his comments about abortion.  They made me laugh, a lot.  Reminded me of an old interview with Senses Fail where all they answered back was comments about dead babies.

So yeah, a few favorite of the favorites. Awesome book.  Don’t read it if you will get offended.  Enjoy it if you have no soul like me.  Completely joking.  Actually referring to an old Daniel Tosh joke about putting in horrible jokes because you can’t take them away from people that were born with no souls.

Alright, now that I’ve said that, I was so excited this week to actually see Chelsea live.  Guy Branum opened and he was just as funny as on tv.  I would have liked to hear more Twilight jokes but that is okay. His hipsters ones cracked me up.

Of course the highlight of the night was Chelsea’s set.  Do you call them sets in comedy? I don’t know.  Anyways, from start to finish I was cracking up.  My favorite parts were when she talked about her dog Chuck.   I was a little scared she was going to do a bunch of stories from the book so I would already know them all but she only did a couple.  Her saying that the reason she broke up with her boyfriend was that he said he was going to give Chuck Alpo dog food was so funny.  Yes, she talked about the Alpo in this book too but her phrasing it so it sounded like she was a mother deciding to take her child out of an abusive relationship was hilarious. 

So yeah, I had a great time.  I suggest anyone else that gets a chance, go see her.  Hopefully one day I will go to the actual show.  Do I hear a Cali trip coming?  I miss Long Beach. Oops, getting off subject.  If you haven’t read Chelsea Handler’s books, I highly suggest checking them out.

          Not going to lie, the first chapter made me nervous about life.  If you read it, you will know what I’m talking about.  Can’t wait to read the rest though.  Her writing style is very funny.

          Speaking of Miss Handler, I cannot wait to see her next week.  I hope I will make it to the signing too but the girl going to the show with me can’t so not sure if I want to go by myself or not.  Plus in general, it would be easier if I wasn’t downtown when she got off work.  Guess we will see what happens.  Not the end of the world if I don’t meet her.  I mean, when I’m a famous author I’m sure we will end up being besties anyways.

         So since I’m not leaving any news comments I will give you a fast story about my day that I hope everyone laughs a little at.  So I got to the third place I was photographing and got out to pay the parking meter. It was the kind where I was in a lot but needed to get a ticket for my window.  The ticket thing is in a not particularly well lit spot.  I wasn’t paying much attention to the ground.  Well there was a small bump with a hole in the middle of it.  I trip lightly then my heal got caught in the hole.  This caused me to lose my balance.  I twisted my ankle which is bad enough but I also crashed head first into the parking meter. It hit the side of my head thankfully so there wasn’t a bump where anyone can see. I then proceeded to laugh and laugh and laugh.  Like it was just one of those moments that I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.  I wish someone else was there to laugh at my inabilty to walk correctly as well.  If anyone was watching I’m sure they thought I was drunk which was not the case.  Sigh.  What a night.

          Okay, now I really have to go to bed and try to get in a little sleep before another LONG day of work.

         Sunday I’m going to have some exciting news to put up here so please check back to see what it is!